Happy Pills

“Take a chill pill!” “Well SOMEONE forgot their happy pill today!”

We all have our days when we aren’t full of sunshine and rainbows, and that’s our right as humans. I, personally, have days like this too often for it to be healthy. I, personally, have depression.
A lot of people think depression is all in your head, or that it’s some pity party that you should just get over. My depression is clinical, not situational, which means that it’s not just surrounding a situation or event in my life. Clinical depression runs in my family, on both sides, and it’s something we have to take care of consistently. If you take medication, which I do, it’s dangerous to stop cold turkey. It can lead to lots of un-fun things that you probably hear about far too often.

I am very fortunate to have the resources I need to manage my depression, but sometimes it’s still just… there. It can really be like a cloud following you around. I am always learning from my mistakes, and one of my lessons is that sometimes you have to find little things that help. When I’m in a rut, it’s usually at a time when I’m alone and not actively working on anything. I feel sad, even if I’ve had a great day. I’m tired and achey, and I have no motivation to do anything, even if it’s my favorite activity.

In these moments, it seems like nothing could possibly make me smile. When I am this low and burnt out on trying, it’s not as easy as “taking a happy pill.” When I’m crying, I can’t just “take a chill pill.”
I’ve been thinking lately… there are things that crack me up, no matter how awful I feel. There are things that make me smile or at least make me remember that smiles exist. I’m making a list. Here we go…

Happy Pills:
1- “Grown-Ups-” This movie makes me laugh every time, from start to finish. You can’t stay down with this one!
2- Ellen- I lose track of time watching videos from the Ellen Show! If you’re really stuck, check out her celebrity pranks, dance dares, bad paid-for photos, misspelled tattoos, dance attack, and more!
3- The horse from Tangled- That horse is so funny! His expressions are hilarious. Watch that guy on Tangled and smile.
4- Read funny ads on Craigslist- Don’t respond, just read. You’ll feel better about your life!
5- Memes! I love the Harry Potter/ Mean Girls crossovers.
6- iCarly- It’s funny, k?
7- Dance poorly- It’s fun, k?
8- Volunteer- It’ll get you out of your shell and put life in perspective.
9- Swing! Go to a park and run to the swings and swing!!!

I also have bad anxiety, so here are some of my “chill pills…”

1- Priscilla Ahn- make a pandora station for her. Soothing music that’s not granny-ish. Love her!
2- Color- get a coloring book, paper, whatever, and get out your old crayons. Go to town!
3- When in doubt, write it out!

Hope this helps!

You’re never fully dressed without a smile.

The R-Word: the truly are other options

The R-word refers to the word retard or retarded.  These words are personally offensive to myself and millions of others who have had the priviledge to know amazing individuals with special needs. 

The word is a bad habit.  How do you fix a bad habit?  You replace it with a new fix that isn’t harmful to yourself or others.  So if you have a hard time taking the r-word pledge cold turkey, here are some realistic alternatives to saying the r-word:

 

*ridiculous

*ridonkulous

*really now?

*seriously?

*You’re goofy/silly/ridiculous/dorky

*Good job (sarcastically)

*Wow, that was random

*That made no sense

*Incredibly foolish! 

 

The word is typically used to describe an action or a person as foolish or unintelligent.  Please consider the phrases listed above, or get creative and find your own way to express yourself! 

Don’t worry, you can punch him next year…..

Haunted houses are a popular Halloween attraction, and many have taken it upon themselves to turn their front yards into a House of Horrors for all the neighborhood to see. While I agree scaring people is fun, and sometimes even fun for both parties, there is a line.

Comedy and horror run hand-in-hand; it’s all about pushing limits. I, however, can still enjoy a horror movie or a stand-up comedy routine without the unnecessary boundary-pushers that they throw in. I can take a joke, and I can take a good scare, but it gets ridiculous when you pull out all the stops to make a kid cry.

I took my little sisters trick-or-treating, and this one house was absolutely over the top. When we approached the concrete walkway to the front door, we almost got trampled by moms carting their traumatized children away from the scene. The lion in front of us was two years old at the most, and he fell and hurt is hand because he was crying while running away.

I told the girls they didn’t have to go if they didn’t want to, but the youngest had decided to be our fearless leader for the night and was determined to do it. We walked through the decorative iron gate covered in spiderwebs, past tombstones propped up in the yard, and hysteria set in.

To our left, there was a young man dressed as a corpse laying among the “graves,” and his acting skills were terrible. Unfortunately, he looked dead enough to scare the girls when he jumped up and growled at them.

A few steps ahead, in the bushes on our right, was another person dressed as some sort of undead monster. I had warned the girls that he wasn’t a decoration, and that he would try to scare us, but warnings were meaningless at that point. He lunged forward and scared the girls, and I even jumped a little.

Yes, I may be nineteen years old, but the strobe lights and ominous music still creep me out. The last scare was where these people overstepped their boundaries with the girls.

The last scare lay waiting in the bushes on the left, up against the neighbor’s house. I honestly didn’t even see this one coming. He was in tattered clothing, covered in very convincing fake blood, and rushed at the girls, screaming in our faces.
That’s not all.

He grabbed our arms.

I know it seems like a harmless Halloween antic to those of you who don’t have children or younger siblings, but this is where it gets real.

In haunted houses, it is illegal to touch the patrons. Seriously. You CANNOT tap their shoulders, grab them, or even mess with their hair.

The girls were already terrified. I was trying to keep them calm and get us the hell out of there, and this guy feels the need to REALLY make it worth their effort by grabbing a child’s arm.

By the time we were done, I was in shock. Who does that? It wasn’t funny at all. It upset a lot of people.

Word got around quickly, and I know for a fact that they lost at least half of their potential crowd before said crowd even got there. Moms talk to each other. I had moms coming up to me asking if the house was really bad, so they would know if they should take their kids or not.

I’d say “you can probably guess what I told them,” but you can’t. In an effort to avoid cursing, I had to creatively describe the foul humor used by these individuals.

My sisters, sweet and harmless, both wanted me to take them back so they could punch the guys who scared them.
My response?
“Eh, my feet hurt dude. It’s getting late, so we have to head home anyways. Don’t worry, you can punch him next year…”

Better get ready child-traumatizers….. my sweet little ladybug is going to take you down!

Your Inner Pre-Teen

The film industry has evolved so greatly since the days of Singin’ in the Rain and The Poltregeist, but I’m noticing a trend here lately…………..
it’s not just the subject, or the plot, or the theme, or the “deeper meaning…”
it’s the connection to my inner pre-teen!

I was watching Let Me In, a 2010 thriller/drama about a bullied pre-teen boy who falls in love with the girl/vampire next door. If you want a recap of the movie in a nutshell, it’s a basic mathematical equation…

pale pre-teen boy + puberty + bullies + troubled home life + mysterious pale pre-teen girl + OMG SHE’S A VAMPIRE + forbidden love + death by murder essential for survival + multiple situations where they are alone and he clearly wants to jump into her pants but doesn’t because it would make the movie inappropriate and nobody would let their kids see it = Let Me In

This may sound like a typical, post-Twilight-fad paradigm of this movie, but these words are coming from AFTER the movie. DURING the movie, I was entranced. My inner pre-teen was desperately clinging to every word, movement, breath… of these characters. My inner pre-teen was rivited with anticipation, dying to know what happened beyond the credits.

You cannot deny, while watching this movie, that your inner pre-teen was not screaming “But she LOVES HIM!” or “Oh my God, it’s so beautiful! He sees her true beauty despite her blood-soaked fangs!”
“Don’t leave him, he loves you, oh my gosh, nooooo don’t die, don’t just leave her, wait, come back, oh my gosh she’s holding his hand, no the bully’s hurting him, oh my gosh she kissed him… wait, the cheek? Really? REALLY PEOPLE, THE CHEEK? Oh God, I paid to see this? Just the cheek?”

It seems ridiculous, but just you wait. One day you will find yourself in the same situation: gripped in sexual-tension-infested scenes in a coming of age drama, starting out laying on the couch with ice cream…. by the end, you’ll be enveloped by your inner pre-teen.

You scoff now, but I’ll be waiting patiently to say “I told you so” when you’re biting your nails down to stumps, perched on the edge of your sofa like an owl on Rittalin, inwardly chanting “KISS HER, KISS HER, KISS HER!” and literally praying that he’ll flee the town with her on a fantastic journey of love.

As you read this, you smile to yourself, thinking “Psh…. what a loser…”

Now your internal monologue slows as the corners of your mouth turn downwards…

OH MY GOD I’M INSIDE YOUR HEAD!

You smile sheepishly as you realize that not only am I inside your head, but we are one in the same, thriving upon the possibility of happy endings…

I know, right?! What a crappy ending! Why are you even reading this stupid blog when you could be watching Twilight?
I won’t judge…. the DVD is already in the player, isn’t it?

*Spoiler Alert! You’re going to cry!*
happy viewings!

Trick-or-treating has a general age requirement, so why not costumes?

Every time I’ve been to Walmart lately, I’ve found myself standing in the Halloween section. It’s a fun time for our family. We carve and paint pumpkins and decorate and wear costumes and have a blast.

In retrospect, I remember most of my costumes as a child. I was Baby Bop from Barney two years in a row. I was some form of witch with the long with dress and hat and green makeup at least three times. I was a princess twice at least. I was Juliet one year, a ghost one year, a cheerleader one year….. all of those costumes were adorable, while maintaining the age-appropriate quality that we seem to lack these days.

I stand among several mothers shopping for children’s costumes, and we are all horrified. The costumes are super cute, but lacking at least 8 inches in length of skirts and baring buttcheecks and midriff and cleavage (or lack thereof) for all to see. There were several costumes depicting popstars, dancers, and celebrities that were a bit risque, but the worst were the punky little devils, angels, ragdolls, and animals. Really now? When I saw the Wizard of Oz, I don’t remember Dorothy’s dress being six inches above her knees.

I’m in full support of freedom of expression, but what are we allowing children to express here??? These kids are warped by social expectations; you have to be the best at everything!

Must-haves of kids and teens:
1- best clothes
2- best hair
3- best makeup
4- most up-to-date media and trends
5- being able to do what everyone else does (such as r-rated movies, wearing skimpy clothes, listening to explicit music, using foul language, etc.)
6- pushing limits that other kids would get their hide tanned for

I don’t know why, but it’s cool to defy the childhood innocence and force yourself into makeup and skimpy garb, as if it makes you better than others.

I just wish kids knew how foolish this is, before they’re 19 and gawking at things they see in Walmart.

Peer Pressure for Parents

Parents-

Your kid is amazing just the way they are, and you wouldn’t dare change a thing. Unfortunately, they don’t feel the same way. You see, when your kid says “but everybody has one except me,” you seriously underestimate the accuracy of your child’s statement.
Obviously, they aren’t the only one without this new item, but it feels like the end of their social existence at the time. Their peers see that they don’t have the latest fad, and your kid knows it.

So it’s decision time: Do you give in and let your nine year-old girl get highlights in her hair, or let your twelve year-old boy have those shoes that he will die without?

Last minute analysis: Your kid doesn’t need them. They probably know they could live without this, but they don’t want to. School is a tough place these days. Do you really want to risk your child’s self-esteem to teach them a lesson? Although, this isn’t the right way for them to build self esteem in the moral aspect. But they want it so bad! They promised to be good for the whole year, they did the dishes all week, they even prayed for it! Don’t they deserve the stupid shoes at this point?

So, you can say no and let your child be outcast. You can say no and your child will learn a very valuable lesson.
You can say yes and let your kid take the easy route. You can say yes and protect them from embarassment.

What to do?!

Dating: Worth it?

Dating….. do or don’t?

These days, you never know what you’re going to get when you start dating someone. You could know the person for years, and they turn out to be completely different once out of the “friend zone.” Everyone criticizes internet dating sites, but are they as bad?

Yes and no.

If you know the person already, you have the horrible reality of seeing them routinely even if things go bad.

Online, you never have to see them again if you don’t want to.

Although, you could find the love of your life either way. The worst thing is if the “perfect guy” doesn’t love you back, or even like you, or even finds you remotely attractive.

The good thing about dating someone you met in person and have known for a while is that they know your general personality, lifestyle, and appearance. If you meet someone online, chances are your profile picture that they saw was the best you’ve looked in a while, or you were wearing something nicer than what you typically wear, etc.

So this amazing guy you met online wants to meet you, and hopefully you’ve realized by then that you have to look like your picture. You work your butt off trying to look gorgeous, but how long do you want to keep this up? You and I both know that you aren’t planning to have your hair curled perfectly with flawless makeup and heels and your super hot outfit prepared every day….. now what to do?

If you don’t look like your picture, it may not matter. You may be one of those irritatingly beautiful girls who could crawl out of the depths of hell looking like a supermodel. On the other hand, you may not have superhuman glamour, so you’ll have to wing it.

Yes, this does happen in real life. I haven’t endured it yet, but am sure it will happen soon enough.
So if this has helped you in any way, then I am very confused as to what you got out of this. If not, then we’re in the same boat!

The worst thing that could ever happen is…..
if you meet Mr. Wonderful and he looks soooo dreamy and he takes one look at you and makes a face, or looks surprised, or gags, or runs away.

It starts with the Ben & Jerry’s…..

At the end of a lengthy late-night trip to Walmart, I luck out with a short line in one of the few available checkout stands. I shove everything onto the belt and begin making conversation with the nice lady ahead of me and the cashier. I always make friends there. Hopefully I’m not the only one, but if I am, then I’ll consider it a noble innovation on my part.

The cashier asked if something in the belt was hers or mine, and she replied “Oh, that’s mine. Hers starts with the Ben & Jerry’s.” Responding to that was easy. I was by no means offended, but very amused by the relevance it has to my own life, and that of many others. It all starts with the Ben & Jerry’s.

I laughed and told them that I realized how that sadly correlates to my real life, and they thought it was a brilliant conclusion. That, or they’re thinking “yep, fat chick’s buying ice cream to drown her sorrows in.” Either way, they’re partially correct! My sentiments overall boiled down to “that’s blogworthy!”

So, here I am. Life starts with Ben & Jerry’s, and ends with Ben & Jerry’s. Whether you’re celebrating, mourning, indulging, rewarding yourself, or totally pigging out, most things start with Ben & Jerry’s, and end at the bottom of that pint. You’re then left with the soggy carton and a stomach ache, as well as the same problem you tried to drown in that soupy sweet-treat.

Lesson to be learned here: Stick with Blue Bell. Cheaper and more authentic.

If you’ve had your heart broken multiple times within the last week, this is for you!

Oi….. first of all, I’m not judging those of you who have experienced this. I understand. When you find someone who makes you feel special, it’s addicting. It’s hard to resist when you’ve been burned before.

The sucky part is that you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak and misery. So it has to stop.

Do yourself a favor. This could change your outlook on life, I kid you not!

Ban yourself from dating and romantic relationships at all levels for 2 months at least.
By ban, I mean do not go on a date, do not “go out” with someone, do not pursue an interest!
You may flirt, but just don’t act on it. If you truly like someone, and they pursue you, that doesn’t mean you have to cut them off. Let them know that you are interested but are taking a break from dating, and that they can ask again in two months. That way you don’t turn them off and are able to keep your promise to yourself.

Surround yourself with positive individuals. True friends, supportive family, reliable mentors… anything! Focus on yourself. Work on a personal goal like work, school, reconnecting with an old friend or someone you had a falling out with, work on your self-respect and confidence, find a hobby, finish a project, whatever keeps you busy and fulfills your sense of accomplishment.

Remind yourself of what led to the previous heartbreaks, and let it motivate you to protect your heart and keep your wellbeing your number one priority. In two months, if the person is worth it, they will have waited. If not, ease into a casual dating relationship with someone if you absolutely must date. The best thing to do is make friends with a potential significant other. You’ll see who they are when their gf/bf isn’t looking, and get to know their family and friends. You don’t want any unpleasant surprises if you start dating.

All in all, take a significant break from dating to work on yourself and learn to be okay with not having a relationship. It’s hard, but you need to respect yourself and prove to yourself and all the jerks who hurt you that you know just how special you are and that you deserve the best.

I wish you the best of luck and am confident that you can do this. You are a precious individual to be treasured by your significant other, and let them know that you know it too!

Heck yes I’m special!

Do you ever go out in public and get asked a question so bizarre or foolish that you don’t know how to respond?
I have, and it’s not just in public; at school, work, interviews, visiting friends, and even at home.
Sometimes you have to literally bite your tongue to keep from responding with “are you really that stupid?”

I have quite a history with handling the ignorance of the public in my line of work, but one incident stands out above all the rest…

This is at the top of my list because it was the most foolish and unnecessary question I’ve ever been asked in my life, and was completely inappropriate. I frequently care for individuals with special needs and am very active in advocacy and supporting various organizations. I took two of my favorite girls to the mall, ages 12 and 13 at the time. We stopped in the food court for a Sonic treat and were approached by a female security guard. She had no mal-intent initially, just making small talk and telling us about how she was new to this job, basically friendly chatting. The girls can be timid in such a hectic setting as the mall, so they said very little, giggling occasionally at my goofy banter. Then, at an easily audible volume, in front of the girls, she said “So, are they special?” Seriously lady??? Why on earth would you ask such an inappropriate question in front of girls who are already at an impressionable age? What compelled you to do that, especially right where they can hear them? It was blunt, unexpected, and had the insensitivity which sickens me to this very day.

My response?
“Yes, they are VERY special to me. They’re sweet and funny, and extremely bright. They’re also amazing basketball players and their teams did great this season! I don’t know what I’d do without them!”

These kids aren’t just “special needs” or “special” or “handicapped.” When I look at them I see none of those things. I see amazing young ladies who are growing up wayyy too fast for my liking! I see bright, competent individuals who are underappreciated by the ignorant masses, but have more potential than any of the “normal” people out there. These kiddos put the light into my life and keep me going every day. They are star athletes on their basketball teams and are skyrocketing in development, as well as having sparkling personalities and naturally beautiful character traits, inside and out!

So, in answer to her question, yes, they are very special to me. That’s what I said, and the hurt look on their faces turned into shy smiles, knowing they are loved above and beyond. They have no memory of this security guard’s ignorant question, but know I love them more than anything in this world because I tell them so all the time.

In case she’s wondering, yes, I understood exactly what she meant, and I know that’s not the answer she expected, and I could care less. When I think of how special they are, it has no connection with “special needs.”

Next time you have a question like that, expect to hear a confident “Yes” followed by the truth. They are special- special to me, to their family, friends, teachers coaches- they are special to everyone who truly matters.

I wish I could be half as special as these girls!